Ok, so the last few days I have been obsessed with a news story. I don't know why, other than it just seemed to really interest me after reading comments associated with the story. I'm hoping maybe getting all my thoughts out will free my mind for something else!
It's a story about a Lexington, NC teen, Shelby (17) who died during surgery. She had been struck in the liver by a concrete paving stone that had been thrown by Michael (21) towards the car she was a passenger in. According to news reports, they had both been at a party where alcohol and drugs were consumed. Friends say Michael had gotten mad when Shelby, who had previously dated his cousin, showed up at the party with her new boyfriend. Friends and teachers describe Shelby as the sweetest person, always smiling, full of life.
Okay, after reading that, it should be cut and dry, right? He threw the "brick" which killed her and now he should be put in jail for the rest of his life. But, then I read the comments which is linked to the Topix website...all 400 of them so far. Comments are from people who knew Michael and/or Shelby and from just random people. It became very interesting to see all the different perspectives that I just want to see the real facts of this case. Here is a summary of the "facts" from the comments-not necessarily true:
*Friends of Michael claim he wouldn't hurt a fly, but he became hot-headed when he was drunk. * Some claim that he had a drinking problem.
*He wasn't aiming the brick at Shelby, but at someone else.
* He may not have known at the time that he even hurt Shelby.
*The party was thrown by a teenager that just graduated this spring and included those students and this coming years graduates (which included Shelby).
*Michael and his friends crashed the party.
*The car Shelby was in was moving.
*The car Shelby was in was parked.
*The brick was thrown around 3 am but Shelby didn't go to the hospital until 6 am (and died around 12 pm that day).
*The other passengers in the car she was in were three guys.
*Those said guys were known for drug use.
*These parties are held often and sponsored by parents who buy and allow the alcohol.
*Not everyone at the parties drinks; they go to hang out with friends and have fun.
And then, you have all the comments of people bickering over the facts and placing blame:
*Why was a 17 year old still out at 6 am? (this is the most common question).
*Her parents are to blame for letting her be out.
*The parents who hold the parties are to blame.
*The people in the car should have taken her to the hospital earlier but they were afraid of getting in trouble.
*Lots of comments over whether what happened is an accident, tragedy, or murder.
If someone comes on trying to place a neutral statement expressing condolences to the family for the "accident", they basically get flamed and branded a moron because what happened was not an accident--he intentionally picked up and through the brick. Then the definition of "accident" is stated and more arguing over that. Basically, people have their opinion and that is the right one, and anyone who has a different opinion is an ill-bred moron. Oh, and I should mention the bickering going on over spelling and whether you "chunk" or "chuck" the brick, and whether animals have souls or not. Yeah, I know, what does that have to do with anything?
I haven't posted my comments because I know my words would be all twisted and I would be involved in the ridiculousness of that thread. So, I'll post mine here:
My purpose in this discussion is to present the possibilities of this situation that will hopefully keep the reader open-minded and to realize this is not a cut and dry let's send him to prison case.
For those who have branded him a murderer, consider this: If a car going under the speed limit on a curvy rural road comes around a sharp curve and hits a child who ran after a ball into the road, would you consider the driver a murderer? He/she intentionally got in the car, drove it, and their actions killed the child...that is your chain of rational thinking, right?
For my conscious, I can't label him a murderer unless he intentionally aimed the brick at Shelby with the intention of killing her. It's possible that he was aiming at the car to cause damage and didn't realize anyone was in it, or maybe he did but was aiming for the hood to scare them. Maybe he was trying to protect Shelby and stop her from going with these guys. There are many reasons for his decision to throw that brick and until we find out why, we can't pass judgement.
Circumstances surrounding that night really don't matter. You can argue the morality of the parents "letting" teens stay out all night to party all you want, but that has nothing to do with this situation. This same situation could have easily happened at 9 pm, an acceptable time for a 17 year old to be at a same-age party. As for a 21 year old being at a party with teens, that's really not a questionable action. This party included teens from 17 to 19 years old on average. Michael's cousin is a member of this age group, and since it sounds like they were close, maybe they attended the party together. More than likely the older teen girls had boyfriends who were a year or two older than them, so it's possible Michael wasn't the only 21 year old at the party.
As for the friends who didn't take Shelby to the hospital right away, maybe Shelby didn't realize how bad she was hurt. Getting hit in the stomach with a brick is sure to hurt, but since there is no evidence of external bleeding, it's harder to ascertain that an internal organ is damaged. We don't know if they drove around for a few hours or went to another friends house or what happened during that time. Maybe she went to a friends house to lay down and woke up in excruciating pain. Maybe they were trying to weigh the decision to go to the hospital based on their current alcohol or drug consumption. We don't know. Also, she died during surgery. It's possible that even if they took her right away, she could have died during surgery even if it was performed earlier. There are always risks concerning surgery.
As for blaming the parents, the only parents that should feel responsible for the situation is any that contributed alcohol and drugs to minors. I'm not including those who had said alcohol or drugs taken from their home, but those who intentionally provided alcohol and drugs to these young people knowing they would be consumed by them. Parenting children of any age is not easy, but especially those who are old enough to drive or can find transportation. It's easy to say to take everything away from them, but teens are known for stubbornness and defiance when they feel imprisoned. If they don't find a way to be with their friends, then they become depressed and suicidal. It is a fine line to find the area between these two, and those that have found it are very blessed to have great role models. But most parents struggle to find a balance to keeping healthy, happy teens.
*Oh, and I have to input my opinion here. If rules are made to keep your teen safe, and you decide when they break the rules to lock them out of the house, how is that keeping them safe? So many teens get hurt or killed after being kicked out the house than when given some freedom and the opportunity to make their own decisions while under the supervision of a responsible adult. That doesn't mean to keep bailing them out if they get into real trouble. But kicking them out because they're constantly late for curfew sounds like a control issue. The purpose of a curfew is so you know that you're teen is safe and aren't worrying half the night wondering if something happened to them, not to make sure they are following your orders. How many times have you been late to events, meetings, appointments, etc. because things just happen? First make sure you know where they are going. I know, teens lie and you never know exactly where they are actually going. If you have a teen who frequently goes out, and since the majority of teens have cell phones, invest in the insurance of sanity and safety by subscribing to the GPS tracker on their cell phone. I think it's about $5-10 a month. Hopefully, you'll never need it, but like life insurance, it's great to have when you might need it. Give them a curfew and tell them you'll start worrying if they aren't home at that time and after 20 or 30 minutes you'll go looking for them. Reward them when they consistently come in by that curfew time(maybe pay for a tank of gas or a gift certificate or even a later curfew). Punish them when they are consistently late (more than a few minutes) without a good excuse. Embarass them when you do have to go look for them by gushing over their safety and hugging them and taking them home in your car (in front of their friends), and then punish them for having "worried" you for being late for curfew. Maybe enlist the help of a cop friend to be with you when you show up to "find" them. I guarantee that will only take once or twice before they make sure to come home on time! Okay, back to the original discussion.... *
Right now, we have heard nothing from Michael because the judge has placed a restriction of communication on him--he's not allowed to talk to anyone about what happened and can't pass any messages to Shelby's family. So, we don't know what was/is going through his mind. Before placing judgement on any parties, all the facts need to be presented before an unbiased jury.
What should be concentrated on is the fact that one young person is dead, one in jail, and lots of friends and families negatively affected and mourning the loss of these two young lives. The bashing of people and lifestyles, and the bickering between facts, gossip, and definitions is utterly repulsive and shows the selfishness, cold-heartedness, and lack of empathy our society has come to. I would send my condolences to the family and friends of these young people, but then that would mean I think they would read it, and I hope they never, never have to suffer from reading the heartbreaking, callous opinions included in these comments.
Corn and Sunflowers
Nasturtiums
And last, a picture of our littlest after having taken a bath after a long day of playing outside...he looks like a little sleeping angel!
